Lately I have been thinking a lot more about the past, the present and the future. Wait a minute, don’t we all do?
Everyday is a new day, one step closer to the future, a step away from the past. Keep thinking about what I am meant to do, am I doing any of these things right. Keep thinking about my first “published” book which was written less “novel-like” but more “informal letter writing”.
And in the process of then and now, thinking and reflecting, I realize something. And constantly battling between the reality and the make-believe; constantly battling all the voices inside of me; constantly deciding to stay or to fly. Those constant inner battles.
What happens when you found the almost perfect connection but only to know it has slipped away just like that. Mind you, I did take that chance. But to disappear without a word is just beyond explanation.
I still do not know what to say, feel or do.
Days are getting a little better I suppose. Coming to terms with …. , as what my book has said – I really hope I made the right decision here by opening my heart and giving the book.
Can I be a writer? Will I ever write well? I dont ever really know. Well, just so happen I chance upon this blog on WordPress and her words call out to me. About living double lives and why some of us, writers, just keep on writing. (I possibly live seven lives all in one!)
And just suddenly I feel like this is it, you know. The good Maker is really loving and generous to show me a little bit each day, and if there’s anything in life, it’s that big P and F word (Patience and Faith).
Faith is the substance of things hoped for , evidence of things unseen. By Faith we understand.
Well, I really think I have a problem about this place we live in. It is not about the people around me, it’s just me.
I really hope one day I get to be at a place where I know I am with the people, no longer standing outside the matrix. Like Jonathan Livingston Seagull. (Go google it out. It is an awesome book for all mavericks out there)
Meanwhile, leaving all my readers here whoever you may be, a quote from a TV show that just mean so much to me now..
” I know you are lonely but you are not alone “